


That Damn Cat

by KillThemWithCandy



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Attempted sexy times, Bagginshield-Established relationship, Bilbo is a chef, M/M, Modern AU, Sméagol is Bilbo's cat, Sméagol is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 15:49:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3214793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillThemWithCandy/pseuds/KillThemWithCandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After months of dating, Bilbo decides he wants to take his and Thorin's relationship to the next level. So, being the wonderful boyfriend he is, he invites Thorin over for dinner and asks him to spend the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Damn Cat

Thorin and Bilbo had been together for six months and not once gone any further than a few passionate kisses.

Unless you counted that time at Dís' birthday party when Bilbo had a little too much to drink and had sucked a hickey into Thorin's jaw and nearly gave him a lap dance before passing out.

But that aside, their relationship had moved rather slow and steady.

So when Bilbo asked Thorin to spend the night, he had accepted without knowing what his boyfriend intended of him.

Bilbo greeted him as he normally would, gently kissing him on the lips before opening the door all the way and letting him in.

Sméagol, Bilbo's cat, hissed and coughed before scampering away when Thorin came in, but he was used to it by now. That cat hated everything except Bilbo's voice. He hated being petted, he hated being groomed, and he definitely hated Thorin.

Bilbo served Thorin the best chicken alfredo he'd ever tasted and he was quick to tell him, graciously kissing his chef boyfriend before going back to the delicious meal.

Bilbo took their plates and rinsed them off, but left them in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher.

"Thorin?" He worried his lower lip in his teeth, "Can I ask you a serious question?"

"Of course." Thorin stood and took his hands, "You can ask me anything."

"Do you...." Bilbo paused and thought about his wording, "Am I attractive?"

Thorin blinked and nodded, "Yes. Very. You're perfectly adorable and you have the brightest smile I've ever seen."

"No, I mean.... Am I sexually attractive?"

"Oh." Thorin continued to nod, "Yes, again. You have sweet lips I love to kiss and a perfectly plump rear that fits just right in my hands." To prove his point, Thorin leaned down to kiss him and traced a hand back to squeeze Bilbo's ass, which earned him a little squeak, "Why?"

"Because I want to have sex with you but I wanted to be sure you actually found me sexually appealing."

Thorin's throat went dry, "Wait, really? You do?"

Bilbo nodded, "I'd like to. We don't have to, but I would very much like to."

There was a slim pause before Thorin lifted Bilbo into his arms, wrapping the smaller man's legs around his waist, and began ravaging his neck. Bilbo gasped and clung to Thorin, biting his lip to hold back a moan as Thorin slowly trailed over whatever skin he could find, licking and sucking and kissing everything in reach.

"Bed." Bilbo whispered and Thorin quickly responded by carrying him to his bedroom. He dropped Bilbo onto the bed and leaned over him, smiling when he noticed Bilbo's legs refusing to release their hold on his waist. However, Bilbo did push him away just long enough to pull off his shirt and toss it aside, giving Thorin far more skin to assault.

He dove down quickly, nipping and sucking on every inch of skin, delighting in the small noises he elicited from his chef. He made his way down Bilbo's shoulders and across his chest, stopping twice to tease his nipples, before continuing down to his belly. So often had Thorin had to reassure Bilbo that he adored the plump roundness of his stomach and he made sure to press kisses all along it and leave as many little marks as he could. He trailed himself downward, flicking his tongue into Bilbo's navel for a quick moment, earning him a breathy chuckle from above. He trailed left from there to kiss along Bilbo's hips, trailing his mouth along it and sucking dark splotches into the skin before moving to mirror the actions on the right. He lifted his hands to quickly undo Bilbo's trousers, releasing the button with a hum of self-pride when he got it on the first try.

Then it happened.

In their haste to get to the bed, neither of them had thought to close the door.

And so Sméagol leapt up onto the bed and firmly planted himself on Bilbo's stomach, curling up like he was ready to take a nap.

Bilbo paused and looked down at the cat, "Oh, goodness."

Thorin frowned. He knew that if he tried to move the beast it would only end in bloodshed.

"I'm going to murder your cat."

"He's just a baby, don't get pissy." Bilbo pulled himself up onto his elbows and maneuvered so he could run a hand along the creature's spine, "Come on, Sméagol, up you get. It's not bedtime yet. Go nap somewhere else."

But the cat did not budge. He actually hissed at Thorin and snuggled closer to Bilbo's belly.

"Cat is a delicacy in some places."

"We are not eating my cat. Come on, Sméagol, you stubborn thing, before Thorin tries to eat you whole." Bilbo tried to coax him off with a gentle push, but Sméagol stayed firm.

"Grilled lightly with some broccoli on the side. Maybe a bit of cheese."

"Thorin, shut up."

"Your cat is preventing me from getting you naked and hearing all your beautiful sounds. I think I have a right to be angry. I'm half tempted to risk getting mauled and just throwing him out the door."

"Don't you dare." Bilbo huffed and gently tapped the cat on the back of the head, normally a move that would get him shooting off in whatever direction he faced, but this time only earned Bilbo a sharp glare. "Come on, Sméagol, I can't cuddle right now." He tried giving a firmer push to the cat, only to have a set of claws dig into his bare stomach. He winced in pain and took a sharp breath, "Okay, _okay_. Obviously I'm not allowed to have sex tonight."

Thorin frowned, "Bilbo...."

"He's clawing me. It hurts. Thorin, please, some other night, I promise but-ow, ow, okay, you piece of shit, I hate you so damn much, cooking you is starting to sound appealing. Thorin, darling, can you get some fish or something, maybe you can coax him off of me because I am in a sincere amount of pain at the moment, please!"

Thorin nodded and quickly retreated to the kitchen, opening the pantry and taking a tin of the disgusting fish that cat adored. He opened it up and tossed the lid, heading back to the bedroom to coax Sméagol off of his Bilbo.

The cat immediately perked up when Thorin entered the room.

"Hey, there, you fucking little cockblock." Thorin smiled at him, "Want some nasty fish? It's disgusting, just the way you like it. Come and get your food so I can actually get somewhere with Bilbo. There's a good boy." As soon as Sméagol was off of Bilbo, the chef was on his feet and retreating to the bathroom to clean the scratches left in his belly. Thorin easily coaxed Sméagol out of the bedroom, set the can of fish on the floor, ran back into the bedroom and promptly shut and locked the door.

"Bilbo, are you alright in there, love?"

"Yeah, he didn't actually cut me. Just tore through a layer of skin."

Thorin wandered into the bathroom and kneeled down to press kisses along the small scratches, making Bilbo blush, "I'm sorry you got hurt."

"I'm sorry my cat decided he wanted to get between us."

"All the more reason to eat him."

"We are not eating my cat. No matter how irritating he is."

Thorin frowned, "You rebuttoned your pants. I got them off so easily. That'll never happen again, you know."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually." Bilbo chuckled, "I'm sorry, again."

Thorin sighed and stood, "Would you want to continue, or shall we try again another time?"

Bilbo's eyes cast down shyly and Thorin chuckled. He ducked down and pressed a quick kiss to Bilbo's lips.

"It's alright, darling. We're in no rush. I want our first time together to be special. We will wait. Another night or so won't kill me."

"Will you still stay the night?"

"Of course."


End file.
